


Loser

by Baking_Soda



Series: You’re a Loser Kenny [1]
Category: South Park
Genre: Craig plays the harp, Craig thinks Kenny’s weird, Craig used to have a stutter, Crenny, Eric Cartman Being An Asshole, M/M, Masturbation in Shower, Middle School, Or at least he thinks he is, Speech Disorders, Stan’s a good wingman, Wet Dream, group project, sex ed, when Kenny’s just trying to act cool
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-09-30
Updated: 2019-10-19
Packaged: 2019-11-24 07:17:12
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Underage
Chapters: 4
Words: 4,615
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18162785
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Baking_Soda/pseuds/Baking_Soda
Summary: Craig’s never been able to enjoy spring with his allergies. Instead of being outside and being able to enjoy himself instead he’s blowing his nose every five seconds and has itchy eyes. Although when Craig starts to receive love letters from a secret admirer every day of spring the season starts to not seem as bad.OrKenny finally Musters the courage to talk to Craig but only through notes in his locker .





	1. Craig dreams

Ah, spring, the season of love. Everyone gets out of all their winter close and put on their sundresses and hand me down shirts with the design chipping off. People are holding hands, giving each other chaste kisses on the lips while they hold hands and walk down the street. Trees and plants would start to bloom again and grow pretty flowers and leaves of all colors. Craig couldn’t really enjoy the season because of allergies and whatnot. Maybe that’s why he despised it. Most of his time in spring was spent blowing his nose, taking allergy medication, getting stung by bees, and rubbing his eyes. He was always dreaming of his favorite season- Winter. In the basement there was a box marked ‘WINTER THINGS’ inside were coats, mittens, hats, earmuffs, and snow boats. Winter was definitely the superior season. Everyone would bundle up and stay inside plus there was no pollen. They would have snowball fights, make snowmen, and put snow down each others coats. Winter was heavenly. Craig would always be dreaming of a season named Winter.

 

——————

 

 

“Wake up you’re driving me to school today!” Tricia shouts peeking her head through the door.

 

Her hair was done into two pigtails held together by red hair ties she kept on her wrist.

 

“Why can’t we take the bus? this is like the fourth time you’ve asked me to drive you this week” Craig complains tilting his head back in exhaustion.

 

“Craig We’ in middle school. If I want to be top dog I need to ride in style” she says as if it’s the obvious thing in the world.

 

“Now come on we need to get to school,” Tricia says as she walks out the doorway.

 

Craig sighed “I’m not even the legal age to drive yet idiot” Tricia let out a small ‘oh yeah’ as Craig followed her out of his room and out of the house.

 

The school she goes to was only two blocks down so there was no point in driving but Craig took pity on her since she had the idea of the ‘Top Dog’ thing at the beginning of the year and still hasn’t reached her goal even though it was the middle of the school year.“I guess I could ask the Broflovskis to drive us to school,” Craig told her.

 

he took his phone out of his pants pocket Craig Texted Kyle and immediately get a text back say no. 

 

“They said no but I guess we can ride my bike to school”

 

Tricia and Craig walked out the door, Tricia splashing in the puddles that the melted snow Had created. Craig rubbed his eyes even though he knew he wasn’t supposed to since they had turned slightly red from how much he had rubbed them the other day. “Craig you know you’re not supposed to be rubbing your eyes again” Tricia Warned him. Craig just shrugged and got his bike out the shed. Craig made a waving hand motion signaling for her to get on his bike. Much to Craig’s displeasure, Tricia let out a little snicker at the fact that Craig still had training wheels on his bike despite the fact that she had seen his bike multiple times it never ceased to be funny to her. Craig grabbed a tissue from his pocket Half because he hadn’t runny nose and half to hide the fact that his face flushed out of embarrassment of the still needing training wheels. Tricia grabbed Craig’s waist and put her feet on the ankles of the bike then Craig took off.

 

Craig opened his locker. Along with the usual gum wrappers, empty allergy medication, and snot tissues, there was a carefully sealed red envelope.

 

“Ohhohoho what’s that,” Clyde asks pointing at the red envelope.

 

“I don’t know and I don’t care,” Craig says.

 

“Come on take a peek” Clyde whines.

 

“Fine” Craig ripper open the red envelope and took a look instead of it.

 

“It's a sappy unoriginal love poem”

 

“What does it say?”

 

“ ‘Roses are red sky is blue my love is true and it’s only for you’ and then it says ‘from yours truly’” Craig read aloud to Clyde.

 

“That one's a classic” Clyde says

 

“Whatever”

 

 

Kenny thought of himself as a loser. He didn’t really stand out from the crowd or have anything really going for him. He got average grades in mathematics, social studies, English and in athletic classes he didn’t have money and he had average looks so that wasn’t going for him either. He would even spend most of his time fapping into socks rather than studying. In short, he was a loser. You could call Kenny McCormick a lot of things loser, awkward, luckless, average, the list goes on and on but one thing Kenny certainly is not is a poet. So when he wanted to write a poem for his crush he goes into a group call with his friends.

 

“What do you want Kenny,” Cartman says to the screen. “Well, I sorta kinda need help” Kenny muttered playing with his pencil.

 

“With what?” Kyle asks curiously with his head placed on this hand.

 

“Well there’s this person at school I like and I like kinda want to write them something,” he says shyly as he looks down at the blank piece of paper and the red envelope he had gotten from the ninety-nine cents store.

 

“The easiest way to attract someone is by telling them you have a big dick so in the note you should write ‘I have a thirteen-inch dick’ ” Cartman suggests his voice perking as if he had just come up with the greatest invention in the world.

 

“Don’t listen to him Kenny that’s a terrible idea” Stan says.

 

“Just write down what you feel” Kyle adds.

 

 

An hour goes by and all Kenny had written on the paper was well- nothing. He had nothing written on his paper even after he had a chat with his friend for brainstorming ideas. It was honestly pathetic. In the end, he just settles on writing ‘Roses are red sky is blue my love is true and it’s only for you’ and calls it a day. He’s a little disappointed that he had to use something so overused as his poem but accepts it the way it is. Kenny put the note in the envelope and put his phone on his messy desk that he was supposed to clean a week ago and jumped on his mattress. Kenny tossed and turned in bed thinking about the letter he’d written.Kenny got up from his mattress and went over to his brother's room.

 

Kenny peeled his head into Kevin’s room ”sorry to wake you Kevin but I need a little help with writing a letter” He said sheepishly. Kevin rolled over in his bed to face Kenny and rubbed his eyes vigorously.

 

“What the letter about,” Kevin asked, his voice still parched and low from being woken up.Kenny gritted his teeth and looked off to the side “Well it’s sorta kinda a love letter”

 

Kevin let out a low chuckle when he heard that. “Well just write what you feel about ‘em and everything will be alright”and with that Kenny walked back to his room to rewrite the note.

 

‘I started to develop a crush on you when I was ten and got ran over by a car. I wasn’t aware of anything that was happening during my time in the hospital. From what I had heard from his friends they had injected some medicine into my body and put a mask around my face to give me clean oxygen funny ain’t it (actually rereading what I just wrote that wasn’t actually that funny but I can’t erase it since it’s in pen so please ignore that Craig). Morning came as quick as it went. I got up and felt better than I did before. I was unconscious for almost ten hours of the day and I had heard from Kyle that you stayed the whole time when the class came over to visit me in the hospital. I had also gotten a handmade ‘get well soon’ card from you that said ‘please don’t die’. I know it was a stupid reason to have a crush on someone but it was a valid reason at least’ Kenny wrote. He looked at the letter one last time before crumpling it up and throwing it in the trash

 

‘What will he do when he finds it? The worst thing that could happen is him finding it and recognizing the handwriting’ Kenny thinks to himself as he tries to drift off to sleep only for him to reach back over to his shelf and grab his phone. He’s getting no sleep tonight.

 

 

The next day Kenny slipped the red envelope through the crack in the locker trying to not look suspicious (which is harder than he thought it would be) feeling accomplished after he did it. That feeling was soon washed away by the feeling of butterflies in his stomach when turned around and Saw Token standing behind him, staring“What are you doing?”.

 

“Umm nothing,” Kenny says before dashing off in embarrassment. What a loser.


	2. Lord, what fools these mortals be

In a panicked state, Kenny runs into the bathroom to get away. He shuts the stall and sat on the toilet. “Welp that was stupid” Kenny facepalms. “I should have calmly explained to him” he facepalms a second time. His eye felt heavy And before he knew it the consequence of staying up all night started to kick in when Kenny fell asleep in the bathroom stall      

______

_two toddlers ran around the house playing with paper airplanes and toy trucks as a someone cooked dinner for Kenny. “Come on you two sit down for dinner” The figure turned around to reveal the face of Craig Tucker.       “Ok dad” the two toddlers said in unison as they sat down in front of their plates at the dinner table. He watched as Craig put spaghetti into each of there plates. Craig let out a little giggle as he put a big pile of spaghetti onto Kenny’s plate_

_”And the biggest serving goes to my wonderful  husband”  Craig planted a big kiss on Kenny’s cheek and gave Kenny a big smile that shined as bright as the diamond ring on his finger.     “Eww papa kissed daddy” one of the children says in a playful voice. Craig turned to Kenny with a smile._

_”We’re gonna do more than kiss tonight.” He whispered in Kenny’s ear, the charming smile still on his face._

_in about an hour they had finished dinner and the kids continued with their playing. Craig washed the dishes while Kenny did paperwork in their bedroom upstairs. Craig turned off the sink then turned to the kids._

_”you two put your toys away it’s time for bed” Craig scolds._

_”ok papa” The two say. They began to put there toys of different shapes and colors back into a plastic box then walked off to there rooms. Craig walked out of the kitchen then up the stairs to his and Kenny’s bedroom. On the wall next to the stairs there were pictures of the family hung up. One of them the we’re going camping, in another it was the twins birthday, and the rest were just pictures of them together doing random stuff. Craig smiled to himself as he walked up the staircase looking at the pictures. He walked into his bedroom quietly so that he could sneak up on Kenny. Craig made a BOO sound to scare Kenny but it was ineffective instead Kenny just gave Craig a little smile._

_“Come on you’ve been working all week loosen up a bit” Craig told him as he began to massage Kenny’s shoulders. Kenny Shut his computer and turned around to Craig with a big smirk on his face._

_Kenny got up out of his seat and carried Craig bridal style. He dropped Craig on the bed and started to nip at the other ears. Kenny trailed love bites from Craig's neck to his shoulder, feeling proud of the little mewls Craig let out._

_”Come on hurry up” Craig whined in a playful voice, gripping tighter on to Kenny’s shoulders. Kenny rummaged through all of the random junk in the cabinet to find the condoms and lube. It had become routine by now. They both knew what the other wanted from years of experience of them being married for six years. Craig began to strip off his clothes quickly anticipating what would happen next._

_”turn around” Kenny ordered with a cheeky smirk on his face, knowing that Craig would obey._

 

_Craig let out soft moans as Kenny thrusted his fingers in and out of him. He watched as Craig’s face flushed red either from embarrassment or pleasure. Kenny didn’t care which one it was though. He just loved spending time with his beloved._

Then he woke up

he looked around at his surroundings. Hes still in the same bathroom stall that he had fallen asleep in before. Kenny opens his book bag. He took some tissue and cleans the liquid out of his boxers. He couldn’t really do anything else so he had to just shamefully walk out of the bathroom with a wet spot on his pants.

* * *

“Kenneth McCormick your late. Do you have a late pass?” Mrs. Beatrice asks looking at Kenny angrily. 

“No sorry” kenny apologizes while looking down

”Well that’s a detention for you” She says before turning back to the lesson she was teaching leaving Kenny to awkwardly walk back to his seat while also keeping attention away from his pants. 

Kenny concentrated on the work in front of him. He gripped his pencil harder trying to come up with an idea that would be good enough. Kenny thought long and hard about writing an original poem for Craig. He had heard Craig liked poems and decided to give him an unoriginal short poem but this time he decided to make his own.

Mrs. Beatrice brushed downed the wrinkles on her paints with her hand and cleared her throat ”as I was say before Kenny walked in where do you stand on the dispute between the colonies and Britain. Who do you think was in the right and who do you thing were in the wrong” Mrs. Beatrice asks. Craig raised his hand after a few seconds of no one responding to the question.

”well im on the colonists side. I think by adding additional tax without talking to them first it was a violation of there rights as British citizens that were written in the English bill of rights” Craig answered. Kenny looked wistfully at Craig resting his head on his hand then the bell wrang. 

“Wait Kenny Come here” Mrs. Beatrice told him right as he was at the door ready to walk out.                                                             “Since you came in late you didn’t hear about the project we’re doing on the revolutionary war” Mrs Beatrice pauses mid sentence to check out a clipboard. “Your Partners are.. Stan and Craig” Kenny’s heart skipped a beat when he heard the last name she said. Kenny smiled to himself when he walked out the door thinking of the group project.


	3. Junkyard

Craig rubbed his nose for what felt like the millionth time that day. His nose and cheeks were flushed red plus he had a stuffy nose. In conclusion, allergies suck. Craig reached for the tissue in the pocket of his blouse that his mom had made him wear because apparently ‘if you wear a coat in spring you’ll die of heatstroke’. 

 

Clyde chuckled when he saw what Craig was wearing “pfft! Holy shit you look like Wednesday Addams” Clyde let out a few more laughs before he continued to talk“but seriously nice change of wardrobe. I thought you’d be wearing that same jacket forever” 

 

“I’m o-only wearing this because my mom made me” Craig told him as he blew his nose into the tissue. He opened his locker only to find another red envelope sealed with tape.

 

”ohoho you got another one. What does it say” Clyde says big smile on his face. Craig just shrugged and walked of to his second period class.

 

 

Craig sat down at his assigned seat next to Kenny before a wave of realization hit him. He forgot to do his homework.  

“Hey, McCormick can I copy off you” Craig whispered 

 

Kenny’s chest filled with butterflies when Craig gave him a small smile when he put his homework in Craig’s lap for him to copy. 

 

“Thanks Dude” Craig muttered.

Kenny blinked a couple of times still a little dazed before saying a little ‘you're welcome’. Kenny felt like he had accomplished something special despite it just being a small smile.

“Come to think of it you ask to copy my homework a lot” Kenny told him.

“Sorry, it's just that my harp lessons take a long time and it’s hard to get my homework done” Craig said, his face a little flustered. Kenny took a little notebook out of his pocket.

_ He plays the harp and needs help with homework, keep that in mind _ he wrote down.

“Whatcha writing about” Craig asked, peeping his head for Kenny’s shoulder. Kenny quickly shut the notebook.

“Nothing” 

  
  


“Everyone take out your homework” their science teacher Mrs. O’keenly told them.

Everyone had already had there homework on their desk.

Kenny Rested his head on his fist“So Craig What do you and stan have planned for our social studies project?” He asked.

Craig took his attention off the white board to talk to kenny.

 

“We’re planning on making a poster for the Revolutionary war. You a-a-and stan are gonna tell the events that l-lead up to the war and I’m gonna write on the a-actual war” 

 

Craig sighed.

 

“Sorry about my stutter it still comes out when I talk sometimes” Craig clarifies.

“It’s fine, in fact I think your stutters kinda cute.” Kenny says, a tiny smile on his face.

“My speech impediment and years of embarrassment from being taken out of class to go to speech therapy is not cute” Craig blurts out, defensively crossing his arms over his chest.

“Craig!”

“I expected this kind of outburst from Kenny but you Craig?” Mrs. O’keenly 

“Sorry Mrs. O’keenly” Craig said softly.

“Nice going Kenny” Kenny mumbled to himself.

“As I was saying Galileo taught astronomy, And geometry until 1610”

Kenny’s attention drifted from the teacher when he saw stan had passed him a note.

_ So you’ve got the hots for Craig _ it said 

Kenny blushed profusely.

_ Yeah what of it  _ he wrote back.

 

A little smirk appeared on Stans face

 

_ I’ve got an idea on how to apologize to him _ and  _ confess your feelings at the same time _

————

 

Craig walked home by himself as per usual.

“Hey craig! Wait up” Kenny shouted, trying to catch up to Craig.

“Yeah” Craig said in his usual nasal voice.

“To apologize for getting us in trouble earlier I wanted to surprise you.

 

Craig playfully nudged Kenny in the arm

 

“Well it’s not really a surprise if you tell me your gonna surprise me” he informed him.

 

“Whatever. Just close your eyes and I’ll lead the way”

Kenny told him.

 

“You better not be plotting to kill me” Craig said jokingly.

 

“Trust me, I’m not” kenny chuckled.

 

Kenny led Craig to the South Park junkyard.

It had an array of cars stacked on top of eachother on one side of the yard, on the other side there was old chinese food takeout boxes, broken armchairs and worn down sofas, and other kinds of junk crammed on top of eachother as far as the eye could see.

“Open your eyes” Kenny told him.

“Umm why did you lead me to a junkyard. Are you sure you're not trying to kill me” Craig laughed.

Stan Gave Kenny little nod of reassurance from behind a car. 

The familiar feeling of butterflies in Kenny’s stomach came back when he started to doubt Stand plan.

“Come sit here” Kenny said as he got in a broken down car. 

“To apologize for getting us both in trouble I thought we could watch the sunset together”

Craig smiled a bit and sat down next to Kenny.

“Um you know Craig-” before Kenny could finish his sentence Craig’s phone vibrated.

“Oh it my dad” Craig said as he pressed the green button to accept the call.

“Craig we’ve been worried sick! You didn’t come to your music lessons and when we tried to contact you you didn’t pick up your phone!” His dad yelled from the other end of the phone.

 

“Sorry dad I have my phone on vibrate so it doesn’t make any noise. I guess I just didn’t notice you were calling” Craig tried to calm his dad down.

 

“Well get home as soon as possible!” He shouted.

 

Craig pinched the bridge of his nose “Sorry Kenny I’m gonna have to leave” 

Kenny slightly nodded and watched Craig walk away.

When Craig was fully out of sight Stan got into the car with Kenny.

“So how did taking my advice go” Stan asked.

“Well he had to leave last minute because of his dad” Kenny sighed.

“Ugh I’m gonna go home. bye Stan”

 

All the dust, dirt, and grime from the broken down car had clung to Kenny’s sweaty skin.

“Oh god please tell me I didn’t smell this bad when I was around Craig” Kenny mumbled to himself. 

As he got into his bed, not bothering to shower which he would likely regret later.

  
  



	4. Chapter 4

“Wake up dweeb!” Kenny’s brother, Kevin shouted as he shook him awake.

“Ugh, why’d you wake me up Kevin it’s a fucking delayed opening!” he yelled.

Kenny woke up to the sound of birds happily singing outside his window. Even though the birds were just doing what they usually do it irritated Kenny for one simple reason. he had school. It was just a reminder that they would have to go to class and do work

“You have company over dipshit” Kevin told him. Kenny took his head off his pillow to see Craig and Stan standing at the door.

Kenny quickly got up and brushed his pajamas down to get the wrinkles out as if it would make him look any neater. A bubble of embarrassment began to form in Kenny’s stomach from how ugly and unkempt his house was

“Ugh, I can feel the excitement flowing through my veins from this project” Stan said sarcastically.

“Nope that’s heroin your feeling” Craig says jokingly as he sets up a poster board in the middle of Kenny’s room.

Stan noticed Kenny glancing at Craig.

“Compliment him or something” Stan whispers harshly into Kenny’s ear, watching Craig put markers and colorful pens on the floor.

“Umm Craig I really like your socks” Kenny tells in in a low voice. 

Craig looked up for a second then looked at his socks and muttered a small confused thanks.

 

Stan kicked Kenny in the ankle.

 

“Try again dumbass. Try to compliment him on his style or something” Stan Tells him again.

“Oh and I also like your um... Overalls!  Yeah they look good on you! Not that you don’t look good everyday” Kenny said, sitting down across from Craig.

“Oh thanks I guess? And also they’re called shortalls not overalls” 

Stan pinched the bridge of his nose and sat down next to them.

“So when I w-w-went home yesterday and did some research after my Harp lessons and I’ve written s-s-some of the s-shit on a google doc” Craig tells the two of them, still setting up things on the floor.

 

“C-c-c-could you say that any clearer” Stan said, mocking Craig’s stutter. Kenny hit Stan on the leg angrily and gave him a death stare.

 

“Umm Craig I’m gonna take Stan out of the room for a minute” Kenny grabbed Stan’s arm and dragged him into the hallway.

“Stan don’t make fun of Craig’s stutter because if you make fun of it and I’m your friend he won’t like me by association! If you want to be a good wingman then do something actually helpful” Kenny said harshly.

Stan nodded along with what Kenny said and lead them back into Kenny’s bed room.

“Sorry for leaving with no explanation” he apologized only to get a little nod from Craig.

 

Kenny awkwardly played with the hem of his hoodie,

 

“So have you two done any work for the project?” Craig asked the two, tilting his head slightly. The most miserable seconds of Kenny’s life went by went He shamefully shook his head no.

“well that’s fine I guess. Oh shit wait actually we only got two more minutes before we the bus comes” Craig began to pack everything back into his backpack.

“And Kenny you should probably change out of your pajamas” Craig adds. Kenny face flushed when he looked down and realized he hadn’t changed out of his pajamas.

“Oh shit I don’t have time to change” Kenny decided he’d just go to school in his pajamas no matter how embarrassing it would be.

“Come on guys let’s go”

 

The three of them ran to the bus stop and got there at last minute.

“I guess we got lucky not missing the bus” Stan says while they get on the bus.

 

Craig went to the middle of the bus to sit next to Clyde leaving Stan and Kenny alone to talk.

“Ugh that was terrible I embarrassed myself in front of Craig” Kenny sighed.

“Well not like it's the first time it’s happened” Stan said trying to lighten the mood.

 

Kenny pinched the bridge of his nose and shook his head.

“When you embarrass yourself in front of your crush there’s no coming back from that” Kenny tells Stan in a low voice.

 

Kyle turned around in his bus seat to see Stan and Kenny in the seat behind him.

 

“Craig’s the one you’ve been crushing on?” He asked. Cartman turned around in his seat to join the conversation.

“Guys lower your voices asshats” Stan whispers.

 

Kenny’s tanned complexion turned into a tomato red color at the fact that now all of his friends knew about his crush.

 

“Stan he’s just so perfect and I can’t stop thinking about him” Kenny says in a playful whiny voice.

Stan snickered to himself.

“Well maybe you should do something to impress him”

Kenny shifted and thought of a moment the rested his head on his hand

“What would I even do to impress him?” Kenny asked.

“I don’t know maybe do some grand gesture or something” Stan suggests.

“Pfft that’s stupid got any other ideas” Kenny tells him jokingly.

“You have nothing to worry about Kenny. I heard a rumor that Craig will say yes to anyone who asks him out or gives him a sex proposition” Cartman says with a confident smile on his face.

 

“I also heard heard a rumor that he gave Scott Malkinson a blowjob” Kyle adds.

 

Kenny frowned a little at what his friends had said.

“That doesn’t sound like something he would do. And even if it was true how come I never heard about this” Kenny asked.

“It happened during the month you were out with influenza-” Before Stan could finish his sentence the bus driver yelled at them to get off the bus.

 

Everyone rushed to not be late to their classes. Kenny pushed through the crowd of people around him until he got to his destination.

When he sat down Kenny immediately took out a piece of paper and started writing his next note to Craig.

  
  



End file.
